TWO AND HALF MAN season1 episode 14

The kick is up, it's long enough.
The kick is no good.
Yes!
- Yeah!
- Who won?
Who cares? We covered the spread.
Charlie, call me an old-fashioned dad,
but I was hoping my son
wouldn't start betting on sports
until he was old enough
to have a drinking problem.
He didn't really make a bet.
I just gave him a taste of my action.
Nor do I want him tasting your action.
Dad, without action, there's no juice.
All of a sudden he's Frank Sinatra.
- I bet that's the pizza.
- What's the spread?
Pepperoni.
What's next, Charlie?
You gonna teach him how to shoot craps?
He already knows how to shoot craps.
I just wish I could teach him
not to bet the hard eight.
Mr. Harper, here you go, nice and hot.
I threw in some extra garlic puffs as well.
Thanks, pal.
Thank you, Mr. Harper.
If there's anything at all you ever need,
please call.
You know, pizza, dry-cleaning,
pot, women.
- How much did you tip him?
- I don't know, I gave him $50.
That's like a 300єє tip.
If you say so. I was never good at math.
Yeah, but you can figure out
the point spread, the over-under
and the vigorish
on every football game in the country.
What can I tell you?
I've got a beautiful mind.
Morning, Berta. Need some help?
Yeah. Come to my house
and explain to my daughter
that we don't put up bail for cute guys
with Costa Rican passports.
- Morning.
- I got your groceries, Charlie.
You owe me $74.
- Why didn't you just use my credit card?
- I tried.
Funny story.
My platinum card.
Look what they did to my platinum card.
They decapitated my holographic eagle.
Yeah, that's sad. You owe me $74.
Relax, I'll write you a check.
Berta, I'm good for $74.
There's an assistant store manager
with bad skin and a pair of scissors
who begs to differ.
He obviously made a mistake.
Leave it to me, I'll straighten it out.
Alan, what do I do?
Call the bank that issued the card
and figure out what's going on.
Good idea.
How do I get the number?
It's usually on the back of the card.
Okay, this may take a while.
Are you sure?
Okay, thanks.
I don't believe it.
None of my bills have been paid
in four months.
My credit is shot. All my cards are dead.
You don't have to worry
about paying me this week.
Thank you, Berta.
I'll just take this espresso maker
and be on my way.
Call me when things pick up.
Charlie, why haven't you been
paying your bills?
Alan, I don't pay my own bills.
I've got a guy.
Do you think you might want
to call your guy?
Don't talk down to me, Alan.
I'm not stupid.
That's the first call I made.
- And?
- And
his number is not in service at this time.
Wonderful building.
What's wrong with it?
The phrase "reeks of urine"
comes to mind.
Here we are.
That's seldom a good sign.
- Hello, Stan?
- Who wants to know?
It's Charlie Harper.
Charlie! Good to see you. Come on in.
Just don't rip the tape, they check.
So what's going on?
What can I do you for?
Stan, I've got a problem.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
Sit down, talk to me. Come on.
All of my credit cards are dead.
And they tell me the bills
haven't been paid in four months.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Excuse me,
maybe this is none of my business,
but how does something like that happen?
In layman's terms,
your brother ran out of money.
What? How did I run out of money?
I knew you'd ask that.
Let me demonstrate.
Think of this water as cash flow,
which, for you, would be