Two And A Half Men - season 3 episode 4 (Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs)

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
What are you doing?
Masticating.
What?
Don't worry,
it doesn't mean what you think.
What do you think I think?
You know...
Okay, I know what I know.
What do you know?
I know that you're supposed to masticate
your food 20 times before you swallow.
Yeah, but what about
the other thing?
What other thing?
The thing you thought
I was thinking.
I'm sorry, Dad.
You lost me.
Morning.
It is, but I need
to talk to Charlie.
Oh, Morning.
Isn't this your day off?
Well, good luck.
He got home an hour ago, had a bowl
of chili, threw up and went to bed.
He probably threw up 'cause
he didn't masticate enough.
Hey, pottymouth,
there's a lady present.
Berta, why don't you tell me
what you need,
and then you can go enjoy your day off by
spreading sunshine and cheer to others.
It's about the house.
I should wait for Charlie.
I live here, too.
What's the problem?
I'll wait.
Oh, for God's sake, pretend I'm Charlie.
Talk to me.
Hey, Charlie,
I've thought it over,
and if you want me to kill your brother,
I'll need the cash up front.
Very amusing.
Thanks.
I've been taking an improv class.
Okay, here's the deal.
I got five brothers and sisters.
I'm the middle child, which probably
explains why I'm such a people pleaser.
Anyhow, my brother Philip —
he's the second oldest —
he's in the roadside
fireworks business,
which is,
as you might expect, seasonal.
Now, this creates a lot of
economic uncertainty
which has strained
his marriage.
Perhaps not as much as
him boinking his wife's half-sister...
...but it's a snowball effect.
Anyway, to make
a long story short...
Too late.
Fair enough.
Berta: 1;
Zippy: 1.
Anyway, Philip can't live
at his house because,
technically, it's a crime scene.
Which is why I wanted to ask Charlie...
You, uh, you want your
brother to stay here?
Oh, don't be stupid.
He's staying at
my place trying to
wean himself off the meth and
the codeine and whatnot.
I want to stay here
for a couple of days.
That's okay.
I'll ask Charlie.
No, you don't have to ask Charlie.
You-you can ask me.
Fine.
Oh, you'd like
an answer now.
That'd be swell.
Ah, ah, well, uh, uh, I-I
would have to say, um...
uh, after due
consideration and, uh,
and, uh, uh,
taking into account all the, uh,
uh, factors
that are-are involved that...
It would be our
pleasure to have you.
Super. Do you mind
if I take your room?
My room?
Gee, I-I...
Trust me. You want me to have
a room with a private crapper.
Okay. By all means.
Take my room.
I'll bunk with Jake.
Thanks.
What do you mean,
you'll bunk with Jake?
Is that a problem?
Yes. I need my privacy.
For what?
You know...
Two and a half men
Episode 3x04
Your dismissive attitude toward boobs
Never again.
Never, ever, ever again.
You gonna quit drinkin'?
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm gonna quit wakin' up.
What are you doing here?
Isn't this your day off?
It is, but your brother invited me to be
your houseguest for a couple of days.
Did he now?
Well, I was going to ask you, but Alan
said he could speak for both of you.
Did he now?
You got a problem with that?
Don't be silly.
You're like family.
Yeah, well, I've seen
how you treat family.
Hey, you're always welcome here.
You don't even have to ask.
Morning, Alan.
Hey, look who
finally...
Berta?
Living here?
Are you insane?
She needed a place to stay
for a couple of days.
What would you have said?