Two And A Half Men - season 2 episode 14 (Those Big Pink Things with Coconut)

- Hey, buddy.
- Hi, Uncle Charlie.
- Ready for a fun weekend?
- He's not gonna have a fun weekend.
Charlie, he's gonna study
for a history test on Monday.
Well, if believing that gets you back
in your car, I'll play along.
- Where's Alan?
- He's not here.
Really? I told him I was on my way.
That might be why he's not here.
Okay, I'll just have to go
over everything with you.
I'm gonna visit my parents.
I won't pick Jake up till Wednesday.
Alan has to take him to school.
Monday is soccer practice.
He has his math tutor
and his guitar teacher on Tuesday...
Hang on. Hang on.
Oh, hi, Judith.
Alan, why are you avoiding me?
- I'm not avoiding you as much as...
- Hiding.
- Thank you.
- Why were you hiding?
Why does the wounded gazelle
hide from the stealthy jaguar?
Why does the helpless piglet
hide from ravenous wolverine?
Animal Planet.
You learn a lot.
We need to talk
about your pain-in-the-ass mother.
You know, I would love to...
...but as Charlie told you, I'm not here.
- I let her take Jake out to dinner.
She brought him home and she lectured
me for 15 minutes about his dirty ears.
- Fifteen minutes, huh?
- How long is this gonna take?
Like I'm a bad parent.
Let her try and get a Q-Tip
in a squirming 11 -year-old boy's ear.
Mom didn't believe in Q-Tips.
She had a squirt gun.
You know, the woolly meerkat
of western Africa...
...buries her cubs up to their necks
and licks their ears clean.
What? It seemed apropos.
If she wants to spend time
with her grandson...
...she needs to back off.
- Okay, I'll tell her.
- Thank you.
- I'll tell Alan you stopped by.
Okay, Lewis and Clark explored what?
- I don't remember.
- You just read that chapter.
Yeah, but Lewis and Clark
was a long time ago.
Thanks for the ride, Sally.
And for getting me home too.
- Why is that funny?
- It's not.
Mustang Sally, giddyup.
Now, Lewis and Clark.
Face it, Dad,
I'm just not good at history.
Really? What did you have
for lunch yesterday?
A pizza square. Actually, two
pizza squares, a ice cream sandwich...
...and a bag of Skittles.
- Okay, see, that's history.
And a Ding Dong and a diet root beer.
- Great.
- Wait. It wasn't a Ding Dong.
- It was a Ho Ho.
- Got it.
You know what I like?
Those big, pink things with coconut.
- Snow Balls?
- Exactly. Can you still get those?
Yeah, but not at the supermarket.
You have to go to 7-Eleven.
Thank you.
Alan, will you drive me to 7-Eleven?
No, we are trying to study.
All right, I'll hoof it.
- Can I bring you back something?
- Ding Dong.
Who's there?
I'm trying to get him ready for his test.
Sorry. Sorry. You go ahead.
I'll pretend I'm not here.
Okay, Lewis and Clark explored what?
Louisiana Purchase.
- Right.
- I knew that.
Yeah, but Uncle Charlie buzzed first.
And I'm still buzzed.
- Okay, give me another question.
- All right.
Seward's Folly
is another name for?
- Jake?
- Alaska.
- Very good.
- Oh, I was gonna say Mrs. Seward.
Okay, the score is 1 to 1.
Now that you mention it...
...an Eskimo Pie would go down
pretty good right now.
Alan, will you drive me to 7-Eleven?
No, next question:
- The War of 1812...
- 1812.
- No.
- 1813.
Let me finish the question.
The War of 1812 was fought
against whom?
- The British.
- Very good, 2 to 1, Jake.
- Yes.
- No fair. My buzzer's broken.
- Next question.
- Let me try yours.
See? His works.
All right, contestants,
we are at the final round.