The Office - S02E18 "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"

I am actually looking forward to "Take Your Daughter to Work Day. "
I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better
because I'm getting married.
So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk
so the kids will come talk to me.
Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
Bribery. Nice. Oh, I have more.
Name's Pam. Miss Beesly, if you're nasty.
Janet Jackson. Hey, you having a wardrobe malfunction there...
Michael, you can't be nasty today. Because of that.
Oh, God. Is that today? I reminded you last night.
Listen, I like kids.
But this is not a kids' environment.
This is like HBO. No limits.
Who knows what I'm gonna say? Crazy stuff.
And it is "R" rated. It is not rated "G."
I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw.
And they are trying to make me
into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care.
Both great movies, but still.
Well, I'll be in my office.
Don't you think you should say something? They're cool.
Michael, I think that as the boss you should really...
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children.
I'm Michael Scott and I am in charge of this place.
How do I make you understand...
I am like Superman.
And the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
That's Batman. That's Batman.
Okay. I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
The ocean.
I work with a bunch of nerds.
Hello, tiny one. Come on.
You are the future.
This is my file cabinet.
Oh, this is the partition
between my desk and Angela's.
Abby's my fiancee Stacey's daughter.
I think she'll have a good time.
I just hope she doesn't look on my computer.
Actually, I better go check.
Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa.
Oh, yes. Hello, how are you? Good to see you.
Wow, you've really grown up.
You know what? If you don't mind me saying so,
she is turning into a stone cold fox.
Better keep the frat boys away from her.
I'm in eighth grade.
She's in middle school.
Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary.
An extraordinary time.
It's not that children make me uncomfortable.
It's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle?
I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle.
They want how many spiral pads? Well, 50...
I over-ordered because they had a back-order.
Okay.
I got permission to bring Jakey in to work.
Which is great because he got suspended this week
and now I don't have to pay for a sitter.
Will you pull that down there?
Okay, tell them what you wanted to say.
Do you need any help? No. Thanks.
We'd have to explain everything.
It's probably just easier if we do it ourselves.
All right, I wasn't expecting that. Let's go draw.
Oh, my God. She is so cute I wanna die.
Don't you just love kids, Angela?
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.
God, I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies.
Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun.
And I'm learning that fun for Kelly
is getting married and having babies,
immediately, with me.
Just compare last year's order to this year's.
Yeah, I'm looking at it right now.
Yes.
We...
Yeah, they're very...
They're different.
Yeah, we can stick with last year's,
we're just gonna have to supplement it, somehow.
Hey, Abby, do you wanna help me shred some old documents?
It's actually pretty cool. No thanks.
I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me.
Just one.
What are you reading?
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.
Best book.
Yeah, but I've read it before. So have I.