The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY

John Worthing, J.P.
Algernon Moncrieff
Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.
Merriman, Butler
Lane, Manservant
Lady Bracknell
Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax
Cecily Cardew
Miss Prism, Governess
THE SCENES OF THE PLAY
ACT I.  Algernon Moncrieff’s Flat in Half-Moon
Street, W.
ACT II.  The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
ACT III.  Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton.
TIME: The Present.
LONDON: ST. JAMES’S THEATRE
Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander
February 14th, 1895

* * * * *

John Worthing, J.P.: Mr. George Alexander.
Algernon Moncrieff: Mr. Allen Aynesworth.
Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.: Mr. H. H. Vincent.
Merriman: Mr. Frank Dyall.
Lane: Mr. F. Kinsey Peile.
Lady Bracknell: Miss Rose Leclercq.
Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax: Miss Irene Vanbrugh.
Cecily Cardew: Miss Evelyn Millard.
Miss Prism: Mrs. George Canninge.
FIRST ACT
SCENE
Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon
Street.  The room is luxuriously and artistically
furnished.  The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining
room.
[Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and
after the music has ceased, Algernon enters.]
Algernon.  Did you hear what I was playing,
Lane?
Lane.  I didn’t think it polite to listen,
sir.
Algernon.  I’m sorry for that, for your
sake.  I don’t play accurately — any one can play
accurately — but I play with wonderful expression.  As
far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte.  I
keep science for Life.
Lane.  Yes, sir.
Algernon.  And, speaking of the science of Life,
have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?
Lane.  Yes, sir.  [Hands them on a
salver.]
Algernon.  [Inspects them, takes two, and sits
down on the sofa.]  Oh! . . . by the way, Lane, I see from
your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr.
Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are
entered as having been consumed.
Lane.  Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.
Algernon.  Why is it that at a bachelor’s
establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? 
I ask merely for information.
Lane.  I attribute it to the superior quality of
the wine, sir.  I have often observed that in married
households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand.
Algernon.  Good heavens!  Is marriage so
demoralising as that?
Lane.  I believe it is a very pleasant
state, sir.  I have had very little experience of it myself
up to the present.  I have only been married once. 
That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and
a young person.
Algernon.  [Languidly.]  I don’t
know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane.
Lane.  No, sir; it is not a very interesting
subject.  I never think of it myself.
Algernon.  Very natural, I am sure.  That
will do, Lane, thank you.
Lane.  Thank you, sir.  [Lane goes
out.]
Algernon.  Lane’s views on marriage seem
somewhat lax.  Really, if the lower orders don’t set
us a good example, what on earth is the use of them?  They
seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral
responsibility.
[Enter Lane.]
Lane.  Mr. Ernest Worthing.
[Enter Jack.]
[Lane goes out.]
Algernon.  How are you, my dear Ernest?  What
brings you up to town?
Jack.  Oh, pleasure, pleasure!  What else
should bring one anywhere?  Eating as usual, I see,
Algy!
Algernon.  [Stiffly.]  I believe it is