The Big Bang Theory Season 4 Episode 23 - The Engagement Reaction

Hey, do me a favor
and take table seven.

You mean the one
with my 118-pound

rock-hard stud of a fiancé

who's prone to canker
sores and pinkeye?

Nah, I prefer to look at it as
the one with my ex-boyfriend

and his gorgeous, successful
and sophisticated girlfriend,

who makes me feel like
a toothless Okie.

Do you want me to spill
hot soup on her?

Oh, please — you're not
that kind of person.

I know.

But if she orders
something low-fat

I'll totally give her
the full-fat version.

Uh, that's my water.

What?

My water.
You're drinking it.

D-Dear Lord!

Have you been drinking it?

Yes. It's my water.

Well, that's it then.

I'm dead.

Here we go...

I'm sorry, do I really need
to connect the dots for you?

The backwash into this glass

is every pathogen that calls
your mouth home, sweet home.

Not to mention the visitors who
arrive on the dancing tongue

of your subtropical girlfriend.

Hey! That's my sister

and my country
you're talking about.

Leonard may have
defiled one,

but I won't have you
talking smack about the other.

You guys ready to order?

Yes, I'd like a seven-day
course of penicillin,

some, uh, syrup of ipecac —
to induce vomiting — and a mint.

I don't understand.

He drank from
Leonard's glass.

"He drank from
Leonard's glass" —

the words they'll be
carving into my tombstone.

That's actually my napkin.

Oh, this is a nightmare!

Where are you going?
To the bar,

to sterilize my mouth
with alcohol.

Gang way! Dead man walking!

Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state

Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait!

The Earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools

We built the Wall
We built the pyramids

Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery

That all started
with a big bang

Bang!

All right. Here you go.

Two lemonades,

one iced tea

and a root beer for Priya.

- Is it diet?
- That's what you ordered.

Thank you.

Hey, have you and Howard

started planning
your wedding yet?

Yeah. We're thinking
of having it on a cliff

overlooking the ocean.

Nothing soothes
those pre-wedding jitters

like the thought
of falling and drowning.

What did your mother say

when you told her you were
getting married?

He hasn't told her yet.

He's waiting for
the right time.

I was thinking of weaving
it into her eulogy.

Howard, you've got
to tell your mother.

Hey, have you told your parents
you're dating

this short glass
of skim milk here?

Uh... that's different.

First of all,
we're not engaged;

and second,
Indian parents

are very protective
of their children.

Right, right,
whereas Jewish mothers

take a casual, la-di-da
approach to their sons.

I gargled with tequila and may
have swallowed a teeny bit.

- You all right?
- Fine.

Thank you for asking.

I love you so much.

Fire demon.

Ooh, fire demon.

Sheldon's turning up the heat...

Troll master.

Check it! Howard pulls one out

from under the bridge. Nice!

Water nymph.

Oh, yeah, she's got puddles

in all the right places.

Could you please
play the game

without commenting
on every card?

Sorry.

Walking tree.

Last one.

I'm taking a stroll
and I'm sporting wood.

(phone chimes)