My Name Is Earl Season 3 Episode 9 - Randy In Charge (...of Our Days And Our Nights)

For me, prison was like
a long car vacation with my parents-
the more I slept,
the shorter the trip.
Wakey, wakey. Hands off penis.
It's for protection.
There's a new guy here who thinks it's funny
to pull on your junk while you're sleeping.
The principal wants to see you.
- You mean the warden?
- Yeah. Did I say landlord again?
- No.
- Good.
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Yeah, Hickey. Come on in.
- You don't mind if I multitask, do you?
- Not at all, sir.
Vinnie's here to shave some guy
for the electric chair.
Oh, I hate execution days.
Especially if they die with a funny
look on their face, and you start giggling.
Then suddenly you're thejerk
who's laughing at an execution.
Anyway, I am getting ready...
to start a program
called "Scared Straight. "
Not into the ladies, huh?
Well, it worked for a guy
at my parents' church.
No, no. The program I'm talkin' about...
is where we go into schools, and we try
to scare kids out of a life of crime.
We used to bring 'em here.
Didn't work out too well.
Remember, be scared, stay straight.
Excuse me.
He wasn't my buddy
when we came in.
We finally found the real kid
in the washing machine.
Two months later, he's still dizzy.
So, what do you say? Are you in?
I'll give you a certificate that knocks
another five weeks off your prison sentence.
If it keeps 'em out of trouble...
and gets me out of here
five weeks sooner...
I guess scaring kids is a good thing.
Great! All right, you're
gonna be putting on...
a presentation at the school
in a couple of days.
Just pick any three prisoners
you want to help you.
Just, if you pick a black guy,
make sure he's a doctor or lawyer.
We don't want to perpetuate
negative stereotypes.
My name is Earl.
I was excited to get started
on my Scared Straight project...
but first I had to look after Randy.
- You okay, Randy?
- I'm great.
Found a shady spot in the yard where no
other guards could see me, and I took a nap.
Because as great
as it was to see Randy every day-
well, he wasn't the best prison guard.
It was great.
How was your weekend?
Sometimes I got there in the nick of time.
- Hey, Randy.
- Hey, Earl.
- And sometimes I didn't.
- Mealtime.
- Hello! Dinner.
- #I was in the right place #
- #Must have been the wrong time #
- Oh! Oh, no!
That tickles.
No. No, no. No, no! No!
No! Earl! Earl! No! Earl!
#My head is in a bad place #
- #But I'm havin'such a good time #
- Yeah.
And sometimes he wasn'tjust
a danger to himself.
Everyone, this is Fred.
It's his first time in prison,
and he's a little nervous.
He used to be a police officer,
and then he molested a little boy.
- So make him feel welcome.
- #Must have been the right time #
#I been in the right place ##
Really? They wrote
"Best guard" on my forehead?
They sure did.
I realized if I wanted to
keep Randy out of trouble...
I needed to keep him close,
and I figured the warden wouldn't mind.
Good news, Randy.
The warden thinks
you should be the guard...
- to escort us on the Scared Straight project.
- Cool!
I was worried he thought
I was an idiot...
when he saw me fall
out of that guard tower.
I guess when I said,
"I meant to do that," he believed me.
I was trying to help Randy
stay out of trouble...
and a very pregnantJoy
was trying to get out ofbed.
Oh, thank God you're here.
I'm stuck again.
This mattress is pressing against me
like a creepy uncle.