My Name Is Earl Season 1 Episode 3 - Randy's Touchdown

You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...
and then wonders why
his life sucks?
Well, that was me. Every time
somethin'good happened to me...
somethin'bad was always waitin'
around the corner.
Karma.
That's when I realized
I had to change.
So I made a list
of everything bad I've ever done...
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.
I'm just tryin'to be
a better person.
My name is Earl.
[ Earl Narrating ] Ever since my divorce,
winning $ 1 00,000 in the lottery...
and discovering
the concept ofkarma...
I feel great.
[ Beeping ]
And the more bad things
I cross off my list...
the more karma rewards me.
Clean livin'.
Randy, there's something
to be said about waking up...
and feeling like a good person.
"U-R an ass.''
What'd you say?
Joy.
Well, it wasn't me,
although I do agree with your car-
you are an ass.
- [ Kids Laughing ]
- Um,Joy?
Fine! What are you gonna do,
call the police?
Please do. I'd like to discuss with them where
you and your brother got that refrigerator.
Hold it. Don't call the police. They still got
my picture up over at the Circuit City.
Look,just leave my stuff alone, okay?
How 'bout you give me half that lotto money,
and then maybe I'll leave you alone?
You know I need that money
so I can make up for the things on my list.
You and your stupid list.
What about your kids?
You have a family to support.
- Those aren't my kids,Joy.
- That doesn't matter.
- Those aren't my kids,Joy.
- That doesn't matter.
They have grown accustomed
to a certain quality oflifestyle...
that you provided for 'em
with all your crookery.
I tried to get their new daddy to fill your shoes,
but Darnell is not cut out for crime.
[ Video Game Beeping ]
[ Gasps ]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't of did that.
That's okay. Are you hungry?
I think I have a little candy bar in here.
You want a little candy bar?
Where's my grandfather's
cuckoo clock?
- I pawned it.
- What?
What do you think,
cigarettes grow on trees?
[ Earl Narrating ]
Except for scoliosis...
the only thing my grandfather
passed down to me was that cuckoo clock.
And I couldn't stand the thought of my
family's only heirloom sittin'in a pawnshop.
You sure you wanna get
Grandpa's cuckoo clock back?
That thing almost put my eye out.
Well, you shouldn't have been so close.
You knew what time it was.
How much is it gonna cost?
That's an awful lot of vending machine
doughnuts you're holding there.
I'm gettin' an extra hundred for Rosie.
As long as we're here, I might as well
cross number 58 off my list-
-fixed a high school football game.
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- Hut!
[ Earl Narrating ]
After sitting on the bench all year...
the coach told Randy he was finally
gonna get a chance to play.
I saw this as an opportunity
to make a bet with Rosie...
our local bookie and pawnshop owner.
I bet a hundred dollars
on Randy's team... to lose.
Good luck.
Of course I didn't need luck.
I had Randy.
2-1 6! Hut!
[ Crowd Booing ]
[ Crowd Groaning ]
Hut!
[ Man ]
Ah,you fool. ! What are you doing?
- [Jeering ]
- Get out of here! Get out of here, you bum!
I can't wait to see Rosie's face
when I pay her back.
You disgust me, Earl Hickey.
Fixin' a game.
I should pull you through this talkin' hole
and stomp on your sweaty little tea bag.
What's up, Rosie? How you been?