M*A*S*H (MASH) S1 E3 'Requiem For A Lightweight'

0:00:49:##[ P.A.:Swing Music ]
0:00:52:[ Klinger] Attention, all personnel.
0:00:54:All shifts report to operating room. All shifts. On the double.
0:00:59:Attention, all personnel.
0:01:01:All shifts report to operating room. All shifts. On the double.
0:01:11:Come on. Take a card.
0:01:16:- Come on. Make a play, will ya ? - Hold your colon, Doctor.
0:01:19:You were saving queens and throwing spades, right ?
0:01:25:Gin. That's 47 0,000 you owe me.
0:01:28:- Will you take a check ? - Oh ! I'm sorry.
0:01:31:Excuse me, Doctors. I wasn't looking.
0:01:33:I'm doing enough looking for us both.
0:01:35:- You want to try that again ? Two out of three falls ? - I don't believe we've met.
0:01:39:What are you doing after the war ? Hey, wait a minute !
0:01:50:[ Chattering ]
0:01:52:Okay, there it is.
0:01:54:Yeah. Good.
0:02:02:- Is he out ? - The switch is off. Anytime you're ready.
0:02:05:- Right. Nurse ? - Yes, Doctor ?
0:02:07:- That's ""Yes, Doctor, darling.'' - Yes, Doctor, darling.
0:02:09:Stand by with the clamp. UglyJohn, give me a reading on his pulse.
0:02:13:- Sixty-eight and steady. - Okay. Scalpel.
0:02:16:Hey, I like that. Very good slap. Good.
0:02:21:- All right. Let me have the — - Scissors.
0:02:24:Terrific.
0:02:27:- Sponge. - Sponge.
0:02:32:- Pickups. - Pickups.
0:02:35:- Kiss. - What ?
0:02:37:Surprise me.
0:02:40:Make a note of that. I want him put on report. Disrespectful behavior.
0:02:43:She's a new one. I'll take care of her.
0:02:45:We work very well together.
0:02:47:Why don't we get a few casualties of our own and go into business for ourselves ?
0:02:54:Did you have to mobilize the duodenum ?
0:02:56:Yeah. I thought there might be a retro-peritoneal perforation.
0:02:59:There was a large hematoma in the area.
0:03:02:- Do you two want to be alone ? - Yeah, but not necessarily with each other.
0:03:05:No, really, I can move.
0:03:07:I'll say you can.
0:03:09:Pay no mind to my friend here. He majored in crudeness at med school.
0:03:13:Med school ? Before I was drafted, I was a transmission mechanic.
0:03:16:If you're free later, I'll be glad to put you up on my lift.
0:03:20:- Nurse Cutler, report to my office. - Now?
0:03:23:- Now. - Yes, sir — I mean, yes, ma'am.
0:03:26:Dismissed.
0:03:28:At least she didn't have any trouble figuring out your sex.
0:03:30:- My sex is none of your business. -Just say the word.
0:03:34:You stay away from my nurses. They're off-limits to you.
0:03:37:- That's an order. - I think she's trying to tell us something.
0:03:40:You can forget about Nurse Cutler. I'll see to that.
0:03:43:That's your basic Hot Lips.
0:03:45:I knew a girl like her back in my hometown. Her name was Rover.
0:03:50:Look, I don't know about you, but 1 2 straight hours of surgery has me whipped.
0:03:54:- I'm gonna sack out for a few weeks. - My very thought.
0:03:57:I'm so tired, my eyes keep slamming shut.
0:04:00:I'm going to check on some X rays, then I'll see you back at ""The Swamp'' ?
0:04:04:Gotcha.
0:04:52:For me ?
0:04:54:Only if you put those on.
0:04:57:That was a pretty short nap. I thought you were going to bed for a week.
0:05:01:I was, but I didn't say where, did I ? What about you ?
0:05:05:This is strictly business. I'm making a house call.
0:05:09:It must be obvious even to a moral defective like yourself...
0:05:12:that we're both zeroed in on the same girl, right ?