M*A*S*H (MASH) S1 E22 'Major Fred C.Dobbs'

0:01:06:- Clamp. - Clamp.
0:01:10:- Suture. - Suture.
0:01:12:- Scissors. - Scissors.
0:01:15:- Can't you work any faster, Frank? - Haste makes waste.
0:01:18:- Never at a loss for a cliche, are we? - Is everything all right here?
0:01:22:It will be as soon as Frank stops sewing his fingers together.
0:01:25:You missed a fragment!
0:01:27:Why didn't you give me suction so I could see it?
0:01:29:You didn't ask for any, Doctor.
0:01:31:You're useless! The help around here is impossible.
0:01:34:Why don't you find yourself another war, Frank?
0:01:36:- Forceps. - Forceps.
0:01:42:There's your fragment.
0:01:46:I don't ever want her at my table again. She's an incompetent bungler.
0:01:51:And you got that from an expert on the subject.
0:01:56:I can think of better ways to spend the morning.
0:01:58:Back home I could be giving some nice blue-haired lady a hysterectomy.
0:02:03:How about selling married couples his-and-her-terectomies?
0:02:06:Oh, you're punchy.
0:02:08:The natural result of pulling bits of hardware out of teenage bellies.
0:02:13:This place is driving me out of my already demented mind.
0:02:17:My head is getting wall-to-wall crazy.
0:02:20:- Would you like a drink? - Is gas inflammable?
0:02:29:Hey! Ginger! Ginger!
0:02:40:Thanks.
0:02:41:Did you know Frank was stolen by Gypsies as a little boy?
0:02:46:No.
0:02:47:Police found him, brought him back to his parents. They refused delivery.
0:02:51:So the police brought him back to the Gypsies. They didn't want him either.
0:02:55:And then the cops brought him to the woods hoping the bears would raise him.
0:02:58:After one day with Frank, the bears attacked the Gypsies.
0:03:03:Thanks, Hawkeye.
0:03:08:It's about time for Frank to be taking his post-surgery nap now, isn't it?
0:03:39:Henry, that tooth's really bad. Hold this back with your tongue.
0:03:46:This is it, Colonel! This is it!
0:03:49:I know I've asked for a transfer before, but this time I mean it.
0:03:52:I want out! Ow!
0:03:55:Uh, Frank, will you just calm down?
0:03:57:What's happened to your hook — your hand?
0:04:00:McIntyre and Pierce, that's what happened. And for the last time!
0:04:04:I don't care which MASH unit you send me to,
0:04:07:I want a transfer and I want it now.
0:04:10:Look, I can't transfer you with your arm looking like that.
0:04:13:There's nothing wrong with my arm. And you're not gonna change my mind.
0:04:17:I've had those two up to here.
0:04:20:You better cut that thing off before you hurt yourself.
0:04:25:You have no idea what it's been like living with those two perverts.
0:04:29:Oh, they're not really so —
0:04:31:They're not?
0:04:33:I take my life in my hands every time I go to bed.
0:04:36:One morning they gave me the ""Princess and the Pea'' treatment.
0:04:40:""The Princess and the Pea?''
0:04:41:[ Frank ] They nailed five cots on top of each other.
0:04:44:I was sleeping 1 2 feet off the floor.
0:04:50:It's a good thing you don't walk in your sleep.
0:04:55:I don't think it's funny at all.
0:04:59:Of course not.
0:05:01:Nor is it humorous to wake up with hamburger stuffed in your ears.
0:05:04:[ Henry ] Hamburger stuffed in your ears?
0:05:07:[ Frank ] Do you know what it's like being awakened by a wet nose?
0:05:11:Frank,just leave my married life out of this.
0:05:14:- Watch it before I swallow your watch. - Sorry, sir.
0:05:19:- You bring a lot of this on yourself. - Oh, really?