How I met your mother s01e10 script

Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother.
But there's one story I don't remember.
Uncle Marshall still refers to it as "The Pineapple Incident.
" The night started like any other.
We were downstairs at the bar.
On the house.
It's my own concoction.
I call it the Red Dragon.
- Wow! Thanks! - That was really sweet.
- We're not really doing shotre we? - I Hope not.
These look kind of like blood.
Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before.
But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? No, you guys, I'm serious.
Think about it.
He always wears black.
We never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Oh, my God.
That does describe a vampire or, you know, a bartender.
I should go get dressed.
Where you going, buddy? Hot date? I'll say.
She's going out with a billionaire.
Lily, I told you not to call him that.
Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? He's not a billionaire.
He's a hundred-millionaire.
Why do people always round up? So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you? A charity dinner.
Yeah, $2,000 a plate.
$1,500.
Stop rounding up.
And it's for Third World hunger.
You gonna put out? What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner, and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills.
I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
Well, I'm gonna be late.
You guys have fun.
- Bye.
- See ya.
- Bye.
- See ya.
You okay? Sure.
Why? Oh, I don't know.
Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire.
Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire.
And second, she's not the girl of my dreams.
We're just friends.
Look, it would not be smart if we got together.
I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for Wha? You done? Great.
Check out table number four.
See that little hottie on the end? She's short, but has an ample bosom.
I love it.
She's, like, half boob.
Let's go.
Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line? I uh Daddy's home.
Daddy's home? Okay, you want us to go over there right now and say to those girls, "Daddy's home"? Really think about that, Barney.
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
Okay, think about this.
Is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? Garlic fries.
Okay, well, I'll get back to you.
Oh, Daddy's back.
See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Date Card from Amy.
That worked? I hate the world.
Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think.
I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
- Doo-doo.
- Totally.
So I think a lot.
I happen to have a very powerful brain.
It can't be helped.
Oh, yes, it can.
Interesting.
Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason.
It's like the universe was saying, "Hey, Barney, there's this dude — he's pretty cool — but it's your job to make him awesome.
" Your brain screws you up, Ted.
It gets in the way.
It happened with Robin, it happened with Half Boob, and it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inibriation style.
So, what, you want me to do a shot? Oh, no.
I want you to do five shots.
More interesting.
Barney, I think you've officially No, don't think.
Do.
Ted, he's right: you overthink.
Maybe you should overdrink.
- Drink, drink - Drink, drink, drink Uh, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? Guys, you are being immature and moronic, and drink, drink Drink, drink, drink Yeah!