30 Rock Season 5 Episode 6 "Gentleman's Intermission"

I know I'm jumping
the gun a bit,

but I had this made
for the baby at hermes.

So she can ride the maid!

It is adorable.

Uh, but are we still in love
with the name "Charlotte"?

I think so.
Why do you ask?

Charlotte?

Are you serious?

Lemon went to middle school
with a Charlotte

who used to rub herself
against a tree during recess.

I want to know
why you would tell Lemon

something so personal.

I know that my relationship
with Lemon may seem strange,

but I am her mentor.

And the Donaghy mentoring
experience is immersive.

There need to be boundaries.

That woman is your employee.

No, she's more than that.

I don't choose
my mentees lightly.

They have to have
the drive and ambition

to be worth my time,

the intelligence to understand

the challenges
they're going to face,

the humility to accept my help,

and finally,

a life that is a bottomless
swamp of chaos.

Drive, intelligence,
humility, chaos...

or the acronym "dihc."

I'm looking for dihc, Avery.

And I'm gonna take it
wherever I can find it.

It's been four years, Jack.

Maybe it's time
for Liz to graduate.

Maybe it's time for you
to carry this baby.

Maybe you and Liz can raise it.

Oh, no.

Crazy hormone swing.

Why does everything
smell like onions?

Lemon.
Boundaries.

Got it.

In here, you can see
one of NBC's editing bays.

Tracy Jordan,
the star of YGS

and numerous films, has died.

No!
No, it can't be!

I'm not done with him, Jacob!

He stays on this side!

Kenneth, Tracy's not dead.

Nbc news makes obituaries
for celebrities

to have them ready.

They're just updating Tracy's

to include his recent
submarine d.U.I.

Oh, thank goodness.

Say, do you think I could
get a copy of that

to show Mr. Jordan?

That way, he can see
his own funeral,

just like Tom Sawyer!

Well, Tom was a fellow
from my town

we accidentally buried alive.

Funny story,
after we dug him back up,

he tried to kill all of us.

- Hello?
- Hey, Liz.

It's your father.
Dick Lemon.

Dad, you don't have to say
your name every time.

Telephone etiquette
is important, Liz.

It lets people know your race
even when they can't see you.

Anyway, got a busy week?

Not really,
I was gonna take this class

called "cooking for one,"

but the teacher killed himself.

Well, what about a visit?

Really?
That would be great.

With you and mom here,
the doormen will have

to eat their words about me
never having friends over.

Well, it'll just be me
this time, Elizabeth.

Your mother isn't coming.

What? You and mom
always travel together.

Well, she's not
coming this time.

I just want to have
a little fun by myself.

Can't a guy have a little fun?

- What is wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?

Your mother's home.

This conversation
never happened.

What? What?

I am a Jedi!

Tracy Jordan,
star of the fat bitch movies,

was also voted "worst
representation of a black man"

nine years in a row.

Perhaps best known
for his fcc fines...

And thank God
I didn't [bleep] anybody,

and thank God
I [bleep] my [bleep].

And giving the queen parvo.

This is terrible!

When I'm dead,
that's what I leave behind?

That's how my grandkids
will remember me

as they fly around
in their jetpacks?

Well, it's not fair
out of context.