30 Rock Season 3 Episode 22 "Kidney Now!"

- You know what the kidney does?
- Of course.

I was a kidney
in my fifth grade school play.

I'm a kidney

- The other kidney is singing now.
- Milton needs a kidney.

- Milton, as in your dad?
- My dad? I don't know this guy.

Professor Milton Greene, who's writing
a 3-volume biography of Jimmy Carter,

and with my kidney
he could finish it.

- What're you gonna do?
- Don't know.

He's too old for the waiting list,
since Giuliani left it's gotten tougher

to harvest hobo organs.

So it's up to me,
and I don't want to be a match.

It's too much.

- Does that make me a bad person?
- Of course not.

This is really hard.

I need your help.

The brain helps you make decisions

And your colon pushes out...

That's not helpful.

Sorry.

Subtitles:
- Feygnasse Team -

So., Valpi, Collioure

Episode 322:
"Kidney Now!"

So, NBC is making me go
on the Vontella show to promote TGS.

- That show is the worst.
- I know.

I swore I'd never go on again
after that one time.

We get paid
to make each other laugh.

Meet your half-sister Courtney!

- Gimme my money, you bitch!
- Never!

They want me as a relationship expert
because of the "dealbreakers" sketch.

And since you're the face
of "dealbreakers", you're going with me.

- What? No, come on.
- I thought you wanted the attention.

Yeah, but not like that.
Remember the other time you were on?

- And I was like, "talk to the hand".
- Jenna, come on out.

- You give me back my man, bitch!
- Never!

- Can't we just keep doing magazines?
- I will see you on Vontella.

Kidney transplantation
is no laughing matter.

So, I apologize.

Kidney's just such a funny word.

- How long is this going to take, Leo?
- This is the consent form

for the test today.

This is incorrect, doctor,
I'm not giving him a kidney.

- It's the other way around.
- Brother.

Are you sure?

If anyone is giving anyone
a kidney at all.

- Who knows?
- You know what?

I'll just remember that
it's the opposite of what these say.

I'd really be more comfortable
if you rewrote the form.

No, I'll remember.
Opposite!

But you're clear

that he's giving a kidney to me.

I think you're jumping the gun.
We don't even know if we're a match,

so you shouldn't assume
that you're gonna get my kidney.

Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that
without a kidney, I'm going to die.

I think it's the hard "k" sound
that's making me giggle.

Kidney!

Exciting news. Your old high school
wants you to speak at graduation.

And they said you could drop up
to five f-bombs.

- Not interested.
- Why not?

Because Frank Lucas high school
was a hellhole.

Grizz knows.
He was there.

A drug dealer named Campbell,
he ruled that school.

He wanted me
to find a snitch called "baby".

Campbell wanted me to cut him open.

Oh, my, that's very urban.

I wouldn't do it.
I dropped out.

And I vowed never to go back
to that place.

"Campbell" was actually Mr. Campbell,
his science teacher.

His science teacher
was a drug dealer?

That's terrible.

Science was my most favorite subject.
Especially the Old Testament.

He wasn't a drug dealer.
Tracy dropped outta high school

because Mr. Campbell wanted him
to dissect a frog.

Tracy couldn't do it,
he cried in front of the whole class.

It was bad. I had to deny
ever being friends with him.