30 Rock Season 1 Episode 11 "The Head and the Hair"

That was hillarious!

We're back in two minutes!

So are you going to
ask out the Head?

The Head?

There are these two MSNBC guys
we keep seeing around,

and we don't know their names,
so we call them the Head and the Hair.

How come?

So what are you, like 6'2"?

6'5".

Wow.

I see you're looking at my watch.

What?

It's cool, isn't it?

That's a Japanese pie watch.

Oh, okay.

It tells time with
those little pie pieces.

Each piece is six minutes.

So right now,
it's six times four.

That can't be right.

My watch has these little hands
that go around and point at numbers.

Hey, that's awesome, possum.

One minute!

The point is,
the Hair is ridiculously good looking.

It's true.

He makes me nervous just to be around.

And the Head is perfectly harmless
and totally into Ms. Liz Lemon.

Hmm...

Not as much as
he's into his pie watch.

I think the Head sounds perfect
for you right now.

I mean, low pressure,
high nerd factor, come on.

If you're serious

about getting your personal life on track,

you need to work at it.

Okay, fine!
I'll ask him out.

I win.

No, the French maid werewolf thing is cut.

You're supposed to be
Hillary Clinton right now.

What? Pete!

- Gary!
- Lutz!

What do you think sounds like
the better idea for a new show?

A talk show without a host,
just the voice of the dead lady

from Desperate Housewives,

or a reality show with a lot of super hot nannies
who move into a house and help fat kids lose weight?

Never mind.

This television programming stuff
is just one unpredictable ass ache,

and I want you to get it out of here.

Kenneth, please.

Come in.

Is this about the clementine
I took off the actors' snack table?

Because the catering lady
already talked to me.

No, no.

No, I wanted to talk to you
about our corporate "Bottoms Up" day.

Once a year,
all the Senior VPs spend one day

doing the job of one
of our lowest level employees.

Last year I was a welder
at one of our locomotive factories,
and I made this.

And this year,

I'll be a page for a day,
and you'll be my boss.

Thank you, sir.

That's how the "Bottoms Up" program works.

I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth.

And I want you to ride me
as hard as you can.

Dude, this party was messed up!

They had girls dancing in cages.

And not the go-go cages, the little dog cages
that you crate pit bulls in.

That is awesome.

- That is upsetting.
- That is awesome.

It couldn't have been
that great a party.

You're on time to work
for the first time ever.

January th.

Write it down, Cerie.
It's historic.

How dare you, Liz Lemon?

I'm not arriving to work.

I left the party on a bacon run.

Write it down, Cerie.
January th.

Just like every other day.

Oh, what's today's date?

January th.

?

- Yeah.
- Ah, dammit!

I knew this was going to happen.

Toofer, pass me some paper.

What's wrong?

My autobiography is due tomorrow.

Morning, boss.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Well, don't let it happen again.

Are you ready for an exciting
and challenging day?

You bet.

(Tracy) Yo!

Me, Toofer, and Frank are gonna
be writing my book all day long,

and I think my snake is sick,
so I need you to go out to my car

and rub his belly 'til he poops.

Our first assignment.

This is so annoying.